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Different And The Same Chapter 3 and Epliouge - 2009 James Kirk, all Kirks
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Chapter Three

Star Trek 2009: James Kirk

Family

Dad: His father, George died on the day he was born. He knows nothing about him except he died a hero, liked to play sports, and loved his antique car. He's heard many times that he looks very much like him, from his eyes, to his hair color, to his mouth. His nose, cheekbones, and eyebrows are his mothers. He's extremely glad he doesn't look exactly like his father, because he knows his mother would give him those looks much more frequently, and they hurt badly enough the number of times he receives them.

Mom: His mother, Wionnena, was hardly ever there when he was growing up. Most of the time she was in space on a mission. He had mixed feelings about her. On one hand he missed her, loved her, and wanted to please her. On the other hand he hated her, didn't want her to return, and didn't care if she was ever pleased with him. Sam said that she didn't know what Frank was like, how he would hurt them, but he knew that she knew. She would see the bruises on those rare occasions when she called planet side. Her eyes would dart from them to Frank, a semi pleased expression would enter them, but she would never say anything about the marks.

He grew to hate her for this: she was their mother, she was supposed to protect her children. When she was home, about twice a year, she would hardly speak to him, barley aknowdgle his presence. If he was noticed her eyes and expression would tell him quite plainly how she felt. They would fill and twist with rage, hatred, disgust, and grief. She didn't love him, she thought he was worthless, she hated him, and she blamed him for the death of his father. When Frank would call him names, degraded him, or strike him she never said one word or raised a hand to stop him. Once, two years after Sam left she walked in on Frank beating him with his belt. He had screamed and pleaded for her to help, to stop him, but she merely looked at him, then left, going back to the Starship. He was fifteen when he last saw or heard from her. After he ran away he didn't bother to contact her, and she didn't try to find him. He didn't expect her to.

Frank: He simountsantly loathed and loved this man. He loathed Frank because he was fond of beating him. Every day he would strike him, with what it didn't matter. His fist, a belt, his foot, a baseball bat, a heavy book, broken glass, anything and everything he could use he did. When he was nine Frank wrapped barbed wire around his arms. He was made to stand perfectly still for hours. The wire sliced deep into his arms, pain raced through them like lighting, blood dripped from the cuts to puddle onto the floor, but he wasn't allowed to let the smallest noise escape him. That hadn't posed a problem. He was well used to keeping his pain inside. He still has the scars from the wire. They're raised, pink, and wrap around his arms from just above his wrists to his biceps. There are many more scars scattered over his body. They range from his back to his scalp to his hand. He remembers each one. It's the scars on the inside that are the worst. Frank would constantly call him names. Worthless, stupid, looser, screw up, faggot, and shit head were just a few of his favorites. He loved him because he was the only father he ever knew. He tried to please him, to make Frank love him. It was because he loved him that the blows and names hurt so badly, why they still cut him. They say time heals all wounds, but that's a lie. The wounds on his body may be healed, but the ones inside are still bleeding.

Sam: At first he would play with him, try to teach him things, and attempt to protect him from Frank. As time went on however these occurrences became less and less. He ignored him, yelled at him, and no longer tried to step in when Frank beat him. The day he left he begged him to stay, but he wasn't talking about the person Sam had become. He wanted the brother Sam used to be. Sam hasn't contacted him since he was ten years old. He doesn't know if he's alive or dead, has a family, or if he's homeless. He doesn't know if he wants to find him.

Spock: He's his husband, best friend, lover, bondmate, and t'hy'la. He holds him in the absolute highest degree of respect, trust, honor, and love that he is capable. He has never made him feel worthless, unloved, or unvalued. He will give him subtle complements about his skills, personality, and appearance, his favorite aspect being his eyes. His eyes are blue, but not an ordinary blue. They will change depending on his mood anywhere from a blue so light they appear white to a blue so dark they appear jet black. Until Spock the most common word he's heard to describe them was "unnatural", with an occasional "unusual" thrown in, but "exquisite" had never been one of them.

When Spock had first called them that he had laughed uneasily replaying, "Exquisite? I've always heard they're unnatural". Sadness, regret, surprise, anger, love, sincerity, determination flowed into him through the bond. His bondmate stepped close to him, his ebony orbs glowing, and put his hands on his face, his thumbs gently caressing just below his eyes. Spocks' voice was gentle yet intense as he said, "There is nothing unnatural about them T'hy'la. Your stepfather is wrong yet again. Your eyes are one of the most exquisite and fascinating things about you. I have never wished for them to be any different, and if it were so I would miss them greatly." He closed his eyes knowing he was sending disbelief, confusion, delight, awe, gratefulness to Spock. As he did so he felt him lean down and gently press a kiss to each of his eyelids. From that point on, everyday, Spock never failed to tell or show him that he thought his eyes, as well as every part of him, including every scar, was exquisite.

Leonard McCoy: Upon first meeting him he had only liked him, but has time went on he grew to respect and trust him. Bones earned his respect and trust because he rarely insulted him, and when he did he knew he never meant it. He always picked him up from bars when he was too drunk to drive back to campus, and would fix him up if he had gotten into a fight, with much grouching and complaining on his part. He cared if he was stressed, angry, scared, hurt, or unhappy. He always had his back in a fight, (even though it was pretty rare that he got dragged into one), or if he got into trouble. He is rude, sarcastic, blunt, a complainer, illness obsessed, and gruff. He's also smart, kind, cares about his patients, is a neat freak, can cook so well he could be a professional chef, and is loyal to a fault. Over time his trust, respect, loyalty, love grew until he felt about Bones the way he should have felt for Sam. Leonard McCoy is his brother.

Nyota Uhura: Upon their first meeting she was an attraction and a challenge. He only felt lust for her, nothing more. As three years progressed he began to feel amusement, respect, and was growing to like her as a person. When he saw the way she acted around Spock and learned that they were together, he felt jealously and anger toward her. He thought he did a good job at hiding his jealously, and latter his lust and love toward Spock, but Bones and would call him on it. "Don't look so much like you want to kill her Jim." Bones would mutter when he caught him staring at Uhuras' hand on Spocks arm. When he and Spock would have a conversation, Bones would give him a look that said, "Cut back on the love and eye sex look man. Do you want Uhura to kick your ass?" After she and Spock had been broken up for a while, his friendly feelings began to return, and after she had gotten together with Gaila he began to think of her as a sister.

She is Gailas' mate and wife. In a few short years she has gone from a member of his crew to his sister and friend. He would do anything for her, just as she would do anything for him, as she thinks of him as a brother. Nyota is quick tempered, sharp tongued, observant, caring, reserved with her feelings, opionated, has more talent in languages then anyone he's ever meet, can sing so well if she wasn't in Starfleet she would make it big as a professional singer, takes learning very seriously, isn't one to complain about anything or anyone, and her loyalty, pride, love, and sense of family knows no bounds.

Gaila: She is an Orion and an Empath. She has the ability to feel the emotions of people if she's in close proximity to them. She knew that Nyota wanted, needed, and loved her years before she herself did. She may act stupid, but she's in the top of her classes. When she wants to she can slip into a cultured, precise speech quality, and give such detailed and accurate information that it rivals Spocks. It may be because of her Orion blood, or maybe it's just the way she is naturally, but she is very sensual in everything from the slightest movement to her voice. Some members of his crew have considered her nothing more then a whore and have sexually harassed her, simply because she's Orion. Those crewmembers haven't lasted very long onboard the Enterprise. Either one of his siblings have scared them into leaving, or he's transferred them to another ship along with a official report of sexual harassment. That report guarantees that they will be kept under 24/7 watch for four years and will remain on ship duty for eight months. Despite being very smart and experienced in her work she had a childlike innocence, couiousity, love, and loyalty about her. Perhaps this is why she is considered the youngest of his siblings, and why she's the one they're most protective of.

Even though they had sex in the past, he now thinks of her as his sister, just as she considers him to be her brother. She is true to her races' nature and is very possessive and protective of Nyota, particularly were sexual matters are concerned. When Nyota was taken captive as part of a landing party and sold into the Orion slave trade he got too witness this first hand. He had always heard the saying "Touch a Orions mate, loose a hand. Feel their mate, loose a head", but he had never fully understood it until they rescued Nyota. When they found her she was naked, bruises littering her body, blood oozing from under the manacles on her wrists, ankles and the color around her neck that kept her chained to the wall. Tears marred her face, and a haunted look was in her eyes. Imeadtly knowing what they had done to her, with fury rising in him he had started forward, intending to phaser down every one of the five people around her, but Gaila beat him to it. She had rushed passed him, and with raw, uncontrolled fury in her eyes and a battle cry issuing from her throat she proceeded to punish those who had touched her mate. In a rare display of ferocity and her full strength she grabbed each of them by the throat and ripped off their genitals.

Not pausing as their blood stained her body or their agonized screams reached her ears she punished the last one, then turned her attention to Nyota. She slowly approached her, softly speaking to her in Swahili. When she reached her she put the very tips of her fingers on her cheek, knowing that, for awhile at least she would hate touch. She was correct for when she felt her fingers she tried to jerk her head away, the color making it impossible, but stilled once she recognized Gaila. Keeping her fingers on her face and continuing to speak softly she broke the manacles and color with one hand, then gently lifted her into her arms. She walked passed him and the landing party, not looking at them or bothering to walk around the blood as she made her way to the beam up point. When he got back to the ship he didn't bother to hide his feelings from Spock. He felt the rage and agony pouring off his mate, and knew Spock felt the same from him. In a rare display of public affection Spock put his arms around him, hugging him tightly. Clutching Spocks' shoulders he broke down, sobbing, venting his own rage, helplessness, and agony over what had been done to their sister. Two tears landed on his neck, alerting him to the fact that Spock was expressing his own emotions. I want to go back and kill them. They… raped her Spock. She was chained to that wall like chattel. I feel this way as well Jim, but they no doubt have already died from blood loss. Nyota will recover from this. She's strong, and Gaila will help her. Yes,he now understands the meaning of that phrase, and wishes to every god in the universe that he didn't.

Montgomery Scott, Hikaru Sulu, Pavel Chekov: They are more then friends, but less then brothers. Like cousins he supposes. He cares about them, is loyal to them, trusts and respects them, but he wouldn't do anything for them. If it came down to a choice between them or one of his family, his family would win out every time. They all know this, but none of them judge him or look down on him. They know what family means to him.

Childhood

Pastimes: Frank thought he didn't like to do anything with his free time. He loved to do many things, but because he knew Frank would either punish him for doing something he didn't like, or would destroy the object he enjoyed he kept his pastimes and talents a secret. He had always been incredibly gifted in all forms of art from painting, to music, to acting (although that could possibly be a learned skill rather then talent), to dancing, to drawing. He won over six hundred first place awards in art, music, and dance contests. For years Frank never had a clue, he made sure his work, awards, and talents were well concealed. When Frank did find out he beat him until he was lying in a heap on the floor, bruised, bleeding, and broken bones. The whole time Frank screamed at him, calling numerous variations of his favorite names, plus with a new ones thrown in. He ran away as soon as he was able to stay concessions for an hour. He was fifteen.

Bullies: He didn't have to much of a problem with them, but occanshily he'd get picked on. He was small for his age, smart, and wasn't very into in sports. When he was picked on they would try to beat him up. He'd try to fight back, but it didn't do too much good until he hit a growth spurt at fourteen and went from 5'5, 120 lbs to 6'2, 212lbs.

Tratues IV: After he drove his father's car off the cliff Frank had sent him there on the orders of his mother. He was sent to a work camp for troubled boys. He hadn't been there a day when Kudos took over. Most of the events have been blocked from him by his mind, but he does remember crowds of people pressed against him so tightly movement was nearly impossible, people screaming and fighting, confusion, fear, and hunger. The only clear memory he has is of Starships from the Federation coming and being carried onto a Starship. When the ships landed no one was waiting for him. Frank didn't come until about two AM. When Franks' hover car pulled up the usual terror gripped him. Frank was going to beat him so badly he wouldn't be able to move for days. Normally the beatings weren't that bad but Frank hadn't been able to lay a hand on him in who knows how long, and he was going to pay for it. He tried to hide himself behind the security booth, but before he got two feet his arm was crushed in grip so tight he felt the bone snap. Frank literately swung him off his feet and flung him into the car, knocking him out as his head hit the passenger door. When they reached the house Frank proceeded to punch, kick, and whip the living daylights out of him, paying no attention to his screams. By the end of a half hour he had three broken ribs, a broken arm, massive bruising on every part of his body, and so many gashes and welts on his back that not an inch of skin was visible.

Although he can't remember it he knows Tratues IV has affected him. He has mild panic attacks if he's in large noisy crowds, he'll eat his meals so quickly he barely tastes the food. While most people can only go two days without food or sleep before giving in to their needs, he's able to go four days without food or sleep before he even notices that he hasn't slept or eaten. He can't explain it, he just doesn't feel the hunger or lack of sleep, nor its effects. German Sheppard dogs terrify him, but no other breed does. Sometimes he'll have nightmares that he can never remember. He'll wake up drenched in sweat, terrified, certain that something or someone wanting to hurt him is nearby. Ever sense he and Spock began sleeping in the same bed the nightmares have been less frequent. Occanshially they still happen and when they do Spock is always there to hold him, make him feel safe with soothing words and emotions through the bond, by lightly kissing him until he calms down enough to go back to sleep. When he wakes in the morning he's still in the warm, tight, safe embrace of his husband.

Education: It was clear he was a genius and should be in a higher grade, but Frank being Frank wouldn't sign consent forms so he had to stay in his grade. Until his teachers began giving him higher level work he was board stiff. He was completing tenth grade work when he was in the fifth grade, and by the time he was in ninth grade he had completed six years worth of college. After he ran away he received no more formal education. He knew that Frank would be searching for him, and he knew Frank wasn't stupid. He knew he had to run far enough away so that Frank wouldn't bother to look for him there, and enrolling in school was out of the question because Frank would be pulling all records of enrollment for six hundred miles. In order to get the money he needed for food and shelter he lied about his age and began to work as many minimum wage jobs as possible. Work hours totaled fourteen hours a day for cleaning, fast food joints, washing cars, painting houses, and taking care of old people. Despite this he was only making $20.00 a day, barely enough for one meal a day, and nowhere near enough to rent a home. Homes alternated between alleys and homeless shelters. As he needed money, food, clothes, and to keep moderately clean he began stealing what he needed from stores and people. Good luck wasn't always in his favor and about 45% of the time he would get caught and arrested. At age 22 the total amounts of arrests totaled 18.

Living on the streets was dangerous, but also educational. He learned how to fight better, how to remain so unobservant that he could pick a man pocket in a crowded store and remain undetected, how to use words to avoid confrontations or to get away from attackers. He learned how to know what place was the safest or which person was most or least likely to be a threat at a mere glance. When he was seventeen he received education about computers from a man whom he cleaned house for who seemed to have taken a liking to him. He became a master at everything the man could teach him in a month, and after that he taught himself. Within three months he had become the most skilled and dangerous computer hacker in the country. He got ten calls a day from people who wanted him to rewrite programs, hack into top security files, even decode classified information. He was able to do all of these things and much more in a very short amount of time, but he never did it for free. He charged anywhere from 700 to 2,000 dollars a job, and required that he received the money before he completed a job. Despite making so much money he put it in the bank and never rented anything more then a small one bedroom apartment. For some reason he hadn't felt right renting a more expensive place. That was the extent of education for eight years until he joined Starfleet.

Relationships With Women

Attitude: He did respect woman, but his respect was given sparingly. Only those who had earned it received it. That didn't mean he didn't treat them well or not care if he had hurt them in some way, or didn't think that they were capble of doing what men could do and didn't deserve the same rights as men, it just meant he didn't think to much of them unless they had earned it.

Sex: Most of his experiences of sex with woman involve one night stands or an hour or two at their place. A few times he has been in a relationship for a month or two, and, contrary to popular myth he has never cheated on them. He doesn't believe in it. If you commit yourself to someone then you stay committed until you don't want to be, and you break it off before you find someone else.

Those that had meant something to him

Heather: She had been a combination of a friend and a girlfriend. They meet in a homeless shelter when he was sixteen. She had been trying to defend her little sister Holly, from three teen boys who had been picking on her. As he watched she kicked one in the balls and watched as the other two ran away. They became teantive, then after a while, good friends. As time passed he started to develop deeper feelings for her. There was never a chance for him to tell her or to find out if his feelings would develop into real love. She killed herself at eighteen after Holly was taken away from her.

Relationships With Men

Attitude: It was the same as it was with woman, but, no doubt because of Frank he trusted and respected men even less then woman. Men had to do much more to earn his respect and trust. Again, this didn't mean he didn't treat them well or didn't care if he hurt them, but it did mean he thought even less of them then woman unless they earned it.

Sex: Until Spock, he had never had a serious relanshonip with a man. He had had plenty of one night stands, a day or two, but never a serious committed relationship.

Those that had meant something to him

Spock: He was the first one of his sexual partners whom he has ever felt anything beyond lust for. Now he means everything to him.

First Meetings

Leonard McCoy: Their first greeting wasn't exactly typical. "I may throw up on you" wasn't what you would think to be the start to a great friendship. That just goes to show you how wrong peoples' perceptions can be. Bones has been his friend and brother for years.

Spock: He had seen him around the school a few times, but the K Test was the first time they met face to face. In spite of the panic and annoyance flowing through him, his first thought was,Man he's hot. He was tall, standing at about 6'3. His poise and gait were persie and swift, yet smooth and sensual, like a panther or water flowing over stones. His voice was deep and rich, like black velvet or silk. His body was slim and graceful with a strange combination of sensual curves and strong rope cord muscles, like an artist had masterfully drawn his limbs then added the muscles as an afterthought. His hair was a jet black so deep it gleamed dark blue as the light touched it. His eyes were large and jet black, with no distinction between the iris and pupil and framed with thick full lashes. He had high finely sculpted cheekbones. His lips were full and smooth. His skin was the palest white he had ever seen, it was the color of milk, with absolutely none of the green tinge that was present among pale skinned Vulcans. As those dark eyes met his he felt a strange shock hit him, as if static elerctcity had been poured over him. By the time the hearing was interrupted with the distress call from Vulcan his annoyance had shoved the attraction into the back of his mind. As he spent more time in Spocks' presence he began to vaguely notice that he was feeling respect, concern, frustration, amusement, arousal, and faint affection. At first he passed these off as nothing more then a grudging respect for a commanding officer who, in the short time he had known him had seen him display bravery, compactness, tact, biting wit, compassion, fear, grief, and loyalty. The fact that Spock seemed to be able to get under his skin so easily and quickly both frustrated and amused him. It was frustrating because no one had ever been able to get to him that easily, and it was amusing because, the very fact that Spock could do it proved that he wasn't above using manipulation or knowdlge to get his way if he so needed, no matter what he wanted others to think.

When Spock beamed down to Vulcan he didn't know why he felt terror because Spock was going down. Sure the planet was becoming a black hole, but he knew he wouldn't have felt this mind numbing, heart stopping terror if it had been anyone else. When Spocks' mother died he felt sympathy and compassion for him, something he had not felt in eight years, except in regards for Bones. These feelings he felt toward Spock however, were much stronger then when he felt them for Bones. When he and Scotty beamed back onto the ship from Delta Vega and Spock confronted them he felt dread and guilt rise in him. At first he pulled low shots, about Vulcan being destroyed, about Spock not feeling fear. He had delivered theses deliberately, for he knew theses remarks would get under Spocks' skin, but he also knew they would only hurt him mildly, and, for some reason he couldn't figure out he didn't want to hurt him. He saw that he was getting nowhere so, feeling like the lowest scum on the face the earth he pulled the largest punch he could, the one that would hit Spock the hardest and deepest. He accused him of not loving his mother. Why he choose love he didn't know. He could just as easily have said it was Spocks' fault Amanda was dead, that he hadn't been fast enough, that he should have known the cliff would collapse, but somehow he knew that love would get under Spocks' skin so fast it would be like a ship going at warp twelve.

This inexpiable knowdgle was correct for as soon as he said it Spock erupted, screaming his rage and grief as he attacked him with his fists. He expected to feel fear and guilt during the attack, and he did, but the one thing he hadn't expected to feel was arousal. As Spock tightened his hand around his neck his cock grew so hard so fast it was painful. He was no stranger to light BDSM, even got off on some of it, but he had never gotten so hard just from breath play. Normally he needed additional stimulation to become fully erect, but Spock hadn't even touched him below the waist and his cock felt like it was going to explode. Through the blurring of his senses he felt an equal hardness pressing against his thigh. Somehow not finding it odd that Spock was turned on as well he began to struggle, both with the instinctive need for air, and with the intent of grinding his leg into Spocks' cock. His cock was diamond hard, streaming pre come. He knew he was a few seconds away from coming when he heard someone say "Spock!". He ground his leg into Spock so forcefully latter he would be surprised he didn't take skin off, and he felt Spocks' cock jerk though his pants and the hot wetness of his orgasm. Seconds latter he felt himself coming as well. Suddenly Spock had removed his hand, and, as he struggled for air he heard him give up command and leave the bridge.

Latter, on the transporter pad, when he saw Spock and Uhura kissing he felt anger, confusion, and jealously rush through him. He knew he had no right to feel theses things. He wasn't blind, he had seen the way Uhuras' behavior changed around Spock, the looks she would give him. Just because Spock had got off on strangling him didn't mean anything. For all he knew Spock and Uhura were into breath play. The way Spock was holding, kissing, and speaking to Uhura shouldn't have caused this wave of anger and jealously, which in turn shouldn't have caused the desire to be in Uhuras' place. He felt attraction to the guy, but that was it. This strong, sudden longing also shouldn't have caused a weird half formed memory to come to his mind. Spocks' arms felt safe, comforting, strong, and warm around him. His lips and voice were filled with devotion, love, arousal, happiness, possessiveness, and protectiveness. There was nothing Spock wouldn't do for him, nor he for him. This… hull action shocked him so much that he was barely aware of speaking to Spock and beaming down to Neros' ship. It wouldn't be until a few months had passed before he connected the dots to Spock Primes' mind meld on Delta Vega.

Nyota Uhura: When he first met her in that bar he had honestly been trying to pick her up. She was a rare combat ion of smoking hot and beautiful. Not many people could pull off both, they were either one or the other. After he joined Starfleet for the first few months he continued to hit on her, with every intention of bedding her, but after that it turned into a good natured joke between them. He got amusement from the half annoyed, half inner laughing look on her face, and she expected and enjoyed his attempts and remarks, as long as he wasn't serious.

Gaila: They met when he was teaching the advanced hand to hand class at the academy. She was one of his best students, taking down he appoints and defending herself with knowdgle, skill, and ruthlessness. Despite their mutual sexual attraction they didn't start anything until after she had graduated from his class. He was a teacher, he wasn't about to jeopardize his position by sleeping with his student, no matter how hot or discreet they were. They had had sex a total of four times that first week before she said "I think I love you". He knew she hadn't meant it, but it had still freaked him out a little. Thankfully Uhura had come in before it became even more awkward.

Montgomery Scott: From the first time he met him on Delta Vega he liked him. Scotty was funny, sarcastic, fiery, random, and intelligent. Despite acting like he hated his alien friend. He could tell he was very fond of him.

Hikaru Sulu: Technailly their first meeting was on the bridge when he ran in shouting about Neros' trap, but he counts when they were going to dismantle the drill as their real first meeting. Sulu was really amazing with a sword. He was faster, lighter on his feet, and more deadly then anyone he had ever seen. When Sulu fell off the drill he wasn't about to stand there and do nothing. Even though Sulu hadn't earned his respect or trust yet, he had saved his life twice in the space of three minutes. Something like that couldn't go underpaid. His time on the streets had taught him that. You repaid your debts in full, because if you didn't they would come back to bite you in the ass.

Pavel Chekov: When he first saw him sitting there on the bridge his first thought was that Chekov had better work hard to prove he was meant to be there. He hadn't held his age or inexperience against him. No one's intelligence or skills should be underestimated just because they looked to young. Such people were often the kind who could run circles around everyone else and not bat an eye. Chekov definitely proved he was more then qualified for the Enterprise. He solved an extremely complicated mathematical and scientific equation, allowing them to beam him and Sulu up when they were falling at more then 7,000 mph. He had solved it in less then thirty seconds, when it would have taken the transportation techs at least two hours. His mathematical skills were so high and accurate that he figured out how to use Saturn's moon and rings to make them invisible to Nero, something that the most qulillifed mathmation onboard couldn't figure out.

His Older Counterpart: He meet his counterpart, Jay as he liked to call him, when they visited New Vulcan a year and a half after Nero. He and Spock went to Spock Primes home, and upon the door opening they were greeted to the sight of an older man with eyes that were hazel but held flecks of gold and dark emerald green, who looked oddly familiar. At first he thought this man might be a diplomat. He had meet more then enough of them on their missions, and he looked how most of them did. This man was about the same height as Spock Prime, give or take a ½ inch, had short gray hair, hazel eyes, a medium amount of wrinkles, and was overweight, not enough to be unhealthy but enough to be noticeable. "Hello. You must be Jim and Spock. I'm James.", the man said calmly. "Yes". He said, grasping James' hand and shaking it. James stepped aside to let them enter, closing the door behind them. A few seconds after the door closed footsteps sounded in the next room and Spock Prime appeared. Stopping next to James he raised his hand in the Vulcan salute and said, "I see you have meet my bondmate." Bondmate? Why would Spock Prime have a bondmate? Surly the Vulcan elders aren't requiring him to help repopulate the race? I don't believe that is the case Jim. Spock replied, amusement coming to him through the bond. As he looked at James the feeling of familiarly struck him again. Why did this man seem so….

Suddenly it hit him. James was his older Counterpart. True, for the most part they looked nothing alike, but the shape of the eyes, height, nose, and chin all were very similar to his own. He and Spock were also T'hy'la, had hadn't Spock said that the bond of T'hy'la was so strong that it would remain between two individuals forever, regardless of what universe the people were in? Hadn't he said that if ones T'hy'la should die, and for some reason the other lived, that the remaining ones' Pon Farrs would stop, and they would never take another bondmate? He had no problem believing that his and Spocks' counterparts were T'hy'la, but how had James come to be here? Spock Prime had been alone in that cave on Delta Vega. Then he remembered how he had seemed to hear another pair of footsteps behind them when they were walking to the Starfleet outpost, how he thought he saw a third shadow on the wall of the cave. Spock Prime seemed to be glancing to his right more then was normal, and his lips curved into that Vulcan smile numerous times when neither he nor the suation warranted it. Glaring at them he said, "You could have to me he was there you know. I was getting pretty creped out"! Amusement shone through Spock Primes eyes as he touched his index fingers to James' and replied, "We both thought that the revelation of your Counterpart would have been to much for you after the events of the day". "I can see your point." He reluntcally agreed. Moving his eyes to look at James, who looked like he was struggling extremely hard to keep from laughing, said, "You mind if I call you Jay? All this James/Jim stuff is going to get confusing." "Go right ahead," his Counterpart replied. That was their first meeting, but by no means their last. In the years that followed he and Jay became very good friends.

Spocks' Older Counterpart: When he first meet him he wasn't very polite at first. He thinks he can be excused for his brief rudeness, seeing as he had just been marooned, chased and almost eaten by two hudge creatures, tumbled down a fifty foot hill, and had received more bruises in twenty seconds then in three years. Something about this Spock confused him. Maybe it was the way he said "friend", as if there was another meaning behind the word. Was it the way he moved, spoke, and looked at him with a clear sense of loyalty, friendship, pride, and devotation? All the while he could tell that those feelings weren't exactly directed at him, more like someone who was like him, as well as near him. That didn't make sense because he and Spock Prime were the only two beings in the cave. Maybe it was that mind meld, when he got the vague feeling that there was another presence inside his head along with Spock Prime. Maybe it was the feeling that something… more was being added to his mind in addition to the information about Nero. Whatever the reason was there wasn't time to dwell on it because before he knew it they were in the Starfleet outpost and he and Scotty were beaming back to the Enterprise.

Love

Spock: If he's honest with himself he will say that he conchousily began to feel more then platonic love toward Spock about two weeks after they began their five year mission. Before that he refused to see anything more then his lust for him. he passed off his feelings of jealously, caring, and awareness as lust for someone who he happened to respect. He never stopped to wonder why Spock had earned his trust, respect, and affection within two hours of meeting him, when it had taken Bones two years to receive them in full. When he figured it out he went to Bones who only said, "Just stick it out. You won't have to wait very long". Spock seemed very happy with Uhura, which he pointed out. With a you're-a-idiot-Jim sigh he said " Jim the chemistry between you two is thicker then The Great Wall of China, and with them it's thinner then paper. Take it from me, a relanshoip with no spark doesn't last very long" Was Bones right? He'd noticed how when Spock looked, spoke, or interacted with him it was very different then with Uhura, but he had passed that off as a love-hate thing. When Spock and Uhura broke it off a month latter and Spock didn't seem upset, he had to admit Bones had a point.

Telling

Spock how he felt: Spock and Nyota had been broken up for two months, and, during that time he had noticed that Spock seemed to be watching him more and would look at him with eyes that brimmed with intensity, warmth, and tension. He began to play chess with him more frequently, would respond to his flirting and teasing with cleaver remarks that were subtle to a human, but would be considered blantly obvious to a Vulcan. He didn't know if he was imagining it, but Spock seemed to be touching him more often then before. The touches weren't hudge, a brush of their arms or shoulders, fingers briefly touching as they moved their chess pieces or worked on the bridge, a hand on his arm to steady him when he stumbled that lingered for 30 seconds after he had regained his balance. Before Spock and Nyota had broken up they had already spent much of their time together, and Spock had known almost everything about him from the way he liked his coffee to how he preferred swimming to running. Now the only part of their free time that was spent separately was when they were asleep, and Spock was asking more about him, as if he wanted to learn everything that made him who he was. He had loved and wanted Spock for months, but he was having a hard time believing that Spock was beginning to return his feelings. Surly if Spock did feel love for him it was only as a friend or brother, it would never be as a lover. His love for Spock amounted to all three.

What finally made them admit their feelings wasn't unexpected in retrospect, seeing as how whenever they were near each other the air would crackle with sexual tension. They had been sparing in the gym, he had been hot and sweaty with his clothes clinging to him, and as usual, Spock got the upper hand and pinned him. He had started to struggle, trying to flip him. Unexpectedly Spock began to rub his body against his, and it was only then he felt the hard erection pressing against his own cock. His cock hardened almost instantly and, without thinking about it, only reacting to the desire running through him he gripped Spock's hip, hooked his leg around his lower back and ground their cocks together. The grip on his arms tightened as Spock moaned deep in his throat. This seemed to bring Spock back to himself as his ebony eyes, which had taken on a glazed expression cleared and widened slightly in surprise. "Jim, I think this would be an apporite time to tell you that I love, want, and need you, with everything I have. I do not know when, but my feelings for you have grown far beyond friendship or brotherhood. If you do not return my feelings I will understand and I will never mention them again". His voice, already so deep and rich had become even more so as he made his feelings known. Shock, amazement, disbelief, and estacty raced through him. Spock loved, wanted, and needed him. His feelings were beyond that of brothers, they were that of lovers. Just as his own. Instead of responding verbally he moved his hand to the back of Spocks head and, gently pulling him down softly kissed him. It went most logically from there.

When he and Spock became a couple: His family: He didn't try to contact them. They would either hear about it on the news, through Starfleet Command, or from a crewmember. They either wouldn't care enough to comment, or they would call to yell abuse at him. He had had enough abuse to last him a lifetime, and wasn't about to invite more.

Sarek: His father in law never found out about them. He died three months after Vulcan was destroyed. Spock assured him his father would have approved, for he had liked and respected him from the moment he stepped aboard the Enterprise. Spock also told him Sarek wouldn't have been surprised. "I suspect he knew of our connection from the first time he saw us interact" Spock knows that his father wouldn't have tried to change him, break their bond, or tell them it was illogical. He had loved his mother, a human, which in itself was considered illogical by many Vulcans. This is one of the reasons why Jim knows how much Seark had loved his son.

Frank: If it had been possible he would never have told Spock. His bondmate wasn't blind, nor was he stupid. He had seen the scars that littered his body, saw and felt how his expression and mood would change when certain words were spoken. He told him slowly, starting with who Frank was and how Frank had felt about him. Spock could tell that just talking about him had his emotions going haywire, so he sent him calming emotions through the bond, then stopped asking for a while. They continued with Spock asking him why a certain word, such as stupid affected him so much. After much attempted evasion he finally broke and told him what Frank used to say to him, what he would call him when he didn't do a chore correctly or when he would strike him. he gradually told him about each scar and broken bone he had received.

About how the burn scar on his inner thigh had been from Frank holding him down and applying a lighter to his skin when he arrived home three minutes late. How the scar that ran from his color bone to his ribs was the result of being slapped so hard that he tumbled through a closed window because the bottle of vodka he'd brought Frank hadn't had the desired amount. How when he was eleven his jaw got broken from being slammed repeadtly into the wall. How his left arm was snapped at the age of five because he'd been trying to run away and Frank had grabbed and twisted it. He also told him that, despite everything, he loved Frank, and that love made every blow, every harsh word hurt more then it should have.

Every time he told Spock something his throat would close up with unshed tears that he never permitted to fall. During the night however he would wake with tears streaming down his face. His bondmate would be holding him to him, gently stroking his face and hair, telling him without words that it was alright to cry, that he didn't love or think any less of him for it.

His Art and Music: Ever since Frank found out he had never shown anyone his work or talent. His quarters were larger then most, being the Captain and all, and as a result had a small room attached to the modest sized living area. This was where he kept his drawings, paintings, art supplies, and a Grand Piano, all of which were surrounded by a force field that kept them stable and free of damage as the ship rocked about. Spock initially found out by accident. He had gone to Spocks' quarters to play chess, and as he was setting up the board Spock noticed a small smudge of blue paint on his finger. "May I ask whether you are changing the color of your quarters Captain?" Momentarily confused he frowned, then with dawning comprehension glanced down at his hand. As he saw the paint he felt bile rise in his throat and alarm raced through him. Surly Frank would – Frank? This was Spock, his science officer, best friend, and the one who he was secretly in love with. His voice wasn't raised in anger, it was low pitched with polite cousitery and genuine interest. His hands weren't clenched into fists and hurling through the air. They were resting upon the desk, lightly grasping the chess pieces. Forcing a smile on his face he tried to say lightly, "No Mr. Spock. I like to paint in my spare time". Spock raised an eyebrow and tilted his head minutely to the right. He knew the eyebrow meant that Spock found the comment unexpected, and the head tilt meant he could tell something had been off about his reaction.

They didn't speak of it again until a few months latter. He had been having trouble sleeping, so not wanting to wake Spock, he got out of bed and went into his art room. He settled down at his piano and began to play Clair De Lune, something he often did to help himself sleep. As he finished the song he became aware of a presence behind him. Turning he saw his lover standing in the doorway, wonder, pride, and amazement in his eyes. He watched as Spocks' ebony eyes traveled the room, taking in the artwork scattered around, all in various states of completion. "Your art is extrondry Jim, as is your music. May I enter?" He nodded and Spock stepped over the threshold, keeping his hands behind his back as he inspected the artwork around him. His T'hy'la stopped a few feet from him and glanced at the keys. Realizing he wished for him to play again he turned and wordlessly began to play another piece. From then on he always left the door open in silent permission for Spock to enter. Spock loved to watch him work. Apparently the sight of his fingers flying over the canvas or keys was an "extremely pleasing experience". His lover also loved it when he played the piano, something he began to do more frequently once he noticed how much he enjoyed it. He would stand off to the side, silently watching him, his black eyes burning with instantly.

His Mother: He could tell, just from the way Spock talked about her how much Amanda had loved and valued Spock and his brother. How much she would have done for them, what she wouldn't have done to protect them. He wished his mother had given the smallest damn about him. When he told Spock about Frank, naturally his mother came up as well. He told how his mother loathed him, how she didn't want him. How she never protected him from Frank, that she even seemed pleased when she saw the bruises. How she had walked in on Frank beating him, and had not done anything to protect him, even as he was shirking through the pain for her to help. How she was gone so much that he never found it odd when, for three years there was no contact from her at all. How he had not cared weather or not she was dead, and how he hated himself for that. How he loved her, and how her indifference and callousness hurt more then anything Frank had ever done to him.

Children

Morgan: She is their Counterparts child, so technailly she isn't theirs. This didn't matter to him or Spock. They love her like their own daughter and talk to her and visit whenever they're able. She's the most unusual and beautiful child he's ever seen. Her entire body is the color of milk, while her curly hair and eyes reflect the light in a thousand/million shades of color. They will shimmer shade after shade of color so quickly, in so many combinations his eyes can barely register it. Her ears are mostly human in appearance, but are pointed very delicately at the tips. Her eyebrows are mostly rounded but arch up at the ends. Her blood is green, but darker then a Vulcans', emerald green instead of jade. Like Vulcans, her erogenous zones appear to be her hands, ears, and lower back, but they are much more sensitive then those of other Vulcans. She is extrondially intelligent at 5 years with an IQ of 450. Learning is something is enjoys greatly. It doesn't matter what the subject is, physics, computers, science, history, if it's possible to learn it she will. Despite being so intelligent she still has much of the innocence and coursitey of human children her age. Playing child games like hide and seek, tag, or pretend is one of her favorite things. The dark scares her and she can't sleep without a nightlight. She has a good number of stuffed animals and other toys that she loves to play with. She doesn't understand why some of the Vulcan children, and even some of the adults look at her with distain, why they hurl insults and fists at her, why they exclude her from study groups or games. She can't figure out why Sol, Stonn and T'Prings son is friends with her, when he is treated just as badly as she is as a result of their friendship. She does understand the pain and anger in her parents and families eyes when they see her bruises or hear about her treatment. The love that her fathers have for one another. How Sol suffers because of his unwavering friendship. How much her family loves her.

Alexander, Hephaestion, T'Pock, T'Amanda: When they found out he was pregnant, it was enough of a shock to cause Bones to faint. If they had managed to get pregnant, they thought that Spock would be the carrier, not him. Spock had all of the normal genitals and organs, plus Vulcan males were designed to conceive and carry children, just as their women were. They had the necessary genitals, both to carry, conceive, and make children, and their pecs would produce breast milk during a pregnancy. Human males should not have been able to either conceive or carry a child, yet it seemed that he was able. Seven months latter they were in Sickbay, each holding two of their children. Alexander was in Spocks' right arm, while T'Amanda was in his left. Hephaestion was in his own left arm, and T'Pock was in his right. Their children were beautiful. Alexander had his own light brown hair, Spocks' ears and eyebrows, and his mouth. Hephaestion had dark brown hair, his ears and eyebrows, and Spocks' mouth. T'Pock had Spocks' blue-black hair, his eyebrows and Spocks' ears, and his mouth. T'Amanda had dark blonde hair, his eyebrows and Spock's ears. It was their eyes however, that made them extrondey. Looking at them, he finally understood how his husband could find his own eyes exquisite. Each of their children's' eyes were the same as his own: changing from a color so light it was almost white to one so dark it was almost black. The only difference was the color themselves. Alexander's eyes were violet; Hephaestions' green, T'Pocks' pink, and T'Amandas' were brown. He swore that their children would never hear that they were unnatural, unloved, or unwanted. Nothing could be further from the truth.

A few years later they would learn, that, when he was three Frank had lost in a game of poker with a sicenest. Frank had bet Jim in the game, and, as a result had to give him to the siencest for one month to do with as he wished. Apparently he had wished to do experiments on him. He left all of his natural sexual system intact, but gave him a womb, fallopian tubes, eggs, and cervix. In short, he gave him everything but a vaginia, periods, and too many female hormones to change his terstone. This proved two things: one, how little Frank thought of him, and two, how much Frank could still hurt him.

Death

Savvid and Christine: He hadn't known that Spock had had a brother or a sister in law. He found out four months after he and Spock had gotten together when he found a picture of who he assumed was Spock and a platinum blonde woman. When he asked him about it he didn't need the wave of emotions through the bond to know this was a very painful subject for Spock. He had been able to read the slightest change in Spocks' body language from the day they meet. Had been able to tell what he was feeling at a glance. He watched as his mates' lips thinned minutely, his posture became more ridged, and his jaw clenched. This was what Spock did when his mother died, when he was suppressing an enormous amount of grief. Spock, you don't have to – No, I want to Jim. So Spock, with a pained note in his voice proceeded to tell him. His twin brother, Savvid had been one of the head healers on Vulcan, along with his bondmate and t'hy'la, Christine Chapel. They had been on Vulcan when Nero struck. He said his brother had shielded his mental bond with him, making him believe that he and Christine had gotten off the planet so he would only be concerned with saving their parents. He felt their death through the mental severing of their bond when Vulcan was destroyed. As their mental death screams echoed through his head the weight of the self blame, anger, grief, and guilt at his twins and sisters' death, coupled with the emotions of his mothers death forced him to his knees. Spock said he had remained there for several minutes, unwilling to believe that the bond that had connected him to his twin from before he could remember, and through it Savvids' bond with Christine had vanished, snapped. Just as his mothers bond had snapped so viciously just minutes before. As his mind had echoed with emptiness he silently screamed, not letting a single note escape him. As Spock finished he felt his emotions, still as raw as they had been on that day. He wrapped his arms around his lover, hugging him tightly.I know it hurts Spock, but your mind isn't empty anymore. I'm here. Returning his embrace and resting their foreheads together Spock replied I know. This means more to me then I can say t'hy'la. That was the only time they spoke of them verbally, but through melds he has seen them. He has seen their lives, accomplishments, personalities, and habits. These melds prove how much Spock had loved them, and how much he misses them.

Spock: His bondmate has been close to death a few times. When Vulcan was destroyed, when he was attacked by a large scaly thing on a planet they visited, and when he was shot in the back by a crazy gun wielding native. After they bonded, he's been close to death every time he himself was. Like himself he doesn't fear death, because he knows his husband will follow him.

His Own: When he lived with Frank he was in danger of death everyday, and once he got on the street he was in danger of it every hour. After he became Captain and started to go planet side on missions he had a 50/50 shot of being near it again. He's been almost disemboweled by a phaser, was attacked by an ape like creature with a poisons bite, and was almost tourted to death by some big headed aliens. When his t'hy'la was near death, he was as well, the bond linking them together through death and beyond. Death doesn't frighten him. It's been hovering over his shoulder from the day he was born. He also dose not fear it because he knows the second he goes, Spock will follow him.
 

Chapter Four

The One Thing That Remained The Same

TOS, Mirror, and 2009 James Kirk

What Spock Means To Him: Spock is the one person whom he can't live without, that he wouldn't want to live without. Spock is everything to him. He's his lover, best friend, confident, supporter, coworker, brother, heart, soul, protector, the voice of logic and reason, the presence and voice in his mind and soul. He's the father of his children, husband, bondmate, and T'hy'la. There is nothing he wouldn't do for him. He would kill, give up his own life, lie, allow Spock to leave him and go to another. He would give up his career, would disobey Starfleet command, would even find some way to become Vulcan if that was what Spock wanted or needed. He is the only one that he desires, both physically and mentally. He has not voluntary slept with another woman or man since they became lovers. He has not wanted to. Spocks' mind is the only one that he has felt within his own in 103 years. He would not welcome another. He trusts Spock with everything he has. He trusts him with his life, his well being, his mind, his body, his soul, and his love. From the moment he laid eyes on that tall, lean, pointed eared form Spock has owned him, body, mind, heart, and soul. That ownership will continue after death, time, and existence itself has come to an end.

 



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(Deleted comment)
I'm so glad you liked it. I was waiting for someone to read the first chap before I posted anymore, so I was starting to think this fic would remain one chap forever. There's some one shots you can check out to, plus a 1920 era fic in the works.

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