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Title: Aftermath 1/1
Summary: Spock on Edith Keeler, "The City on The Edge of Forever", and the aftermath
Rating: G - PG


Nope, not mine.

He knows if they had met under different cirmstuances he would have enjoyed her company, perhaps even conserided her a friend in time. As it was, however, what he felt was jealously, anger, and fear. He was jealous because Jim obviously desired her, and was beginning to love her. This feeling wasn't unusual or unexpected, for he felt this whenever Jim desired another, but the level of his feelings was. He had always felt the urge to physically pull those women away from his Captain, but the desire to hurt them had never been present. With Edith however he wanted to hurt her. Wanted to strike her, feel bruises on her skin, to feel the life drain from her body as he strangled her. This desire terrified him, for he recognized it as the ancient feelings of possesvnies toward their mate that all Vulcans have. When had it become so strong? Had it always been there, just below the surface of his controls, and Jims' love for her had pushed it over the edge? He attempted to avoid her as much as possible because he hated this violence within himself, and he knew she was a gentle, loyal, kind, and genours person, who wouldn't understand his reactions.

When he and Jim learned that she had to die, he saw and felt Jims' sorrow, and for that, he wished Edith could live. If Jim honestly loved and wanted her enough, and of course if it wouldn't change the course of history, he would have let him stay with her. Yes, the ancient possessiveness screamed against this, but the ancient need to care for his mate overrode it. If that had been what Jim wanted, he would have let him stay with her, even if it destroyed a part of himself. After she died he could feel Jims' pain as clearly as if were his own. Through the bond he sepected was already forming he could feel his Captains' grief, depperssion, and longing. These feelings tore at him, and he couldn't help but give in to his desire, no his need, to comfort his mate. He began to play chess with him more fequantly, five times a week instead of three. If Jim hadn't eaten or slept it would be obvious to him (his face was tighter, his were eyes duller, his reactions slowed by 1.3 %, and Jim would lightly bite his lower lip), and either he would take him to the mess hall or quarters, or alerted McCoy. He knew he could trust the Dr. to see that Jim recived what he needed if he were unable at the time. They would sit in the Captains' quarters, talking about anything from ship busseniess to Terren sports.

If Jim didn't feel like talking he wouldn't push him. He sat in the chair next to Jims' bed and read while he worked on reports. As time went on he could feel his Captains' sadness and depression lifting, but his sleep was still restless. He had observed that his preasence always seemed to have a calming effect on his Captain, so he began spending his nights in Jims' chair. His presence did appear to comfort Jim for he wouldn't toss and turn, but would rather remain still. Many times throughout the nights he couldn't control his desire to touch Jim. He would lightly sit on the edge of the bed and softly run his fingertips along his face, jaw, through his hair. Occanshially he could not control his desire to lightly run his hand down Jims' arm, across his chest, or over his back. A few times, while still asleep Jim would capture his hand, holding it tightly or caressing it within his own. These instances proved to problematic, for the hands were a major erotic zone for Vulcans. When Jim held or caressed his hand he would become aroused, many times painfully so, and didn't attempt to control his arousal or the climax that resulted from Jims' hand surrendering his own. He knew he could have easily broken Jims' grip or prevented his arousal through muscle control, but the truth was he didn't want to. True to his resulation he had never forced his sexual or romantic feelings upon Jim, and if this was the only way Jim would touch him in a sexual manner, then he would allow it, and let himself belive, for a few brief minutes, that Jim was doing this out of love and desire. Sometimes, after he left the bed, Jim would briefly awaken. Jim would search for him blearerly, then would settle back down after he saw him in the chair, but he remained restless until he settled upon the bed and laid his hand lightly upon his mate.

A few weeks later the first nightmare occurred. He was alone in his quarters, preparing for mediation, when a sense of alarm raced through the bond and he heard a muffled cry from Jims' quarters. Without pausing he rushed through their bathroom into Jims room. His Captian was jerking upon the bed, twisting the blanket, sweat was running off him in a stream. Just before he reached the bed he heard the terrified cry issueing from Jims' throat. "No, Spock!" Jim cired, his voice horse with fear. This cuased him to pause momentarily, disbelief entering him. He assumed the nightmare was about Edith. Why was Jim having one about him? As he reached the bed Jim bolted upright, gasping, and upon seeing him, pulled him against his body, his arms going around him in an almost brusing grip. Ignoring the hot elertic shock that raced through him at the feel of Jims body pressed so tightly against his, he attempted to focus on the problem at hand. Jim was shaking with surpressed sobs, and as he began to speak confuession filled him.

"We were standing on the street, then you moved into the road. I tried to get to you, but.. a car.. hit you. You, you fell on the ground, and, you didn't move."

He placed his hands on Jims' shoulders and drew back, intending to respond, but he caught sight of his face. Jims' eyes were blank, with none of the fear that was present in his voice. The only signs of life were in those beautfiul flecks of green and gold, shimmering among the deep hazel like the eyes of a wolf hidden among the forest trees. It was then that he realized Jim was still asleep.

"Jim," he began soothingly, "I'm alright. Nothing has happened to me."

Jim gave a shuddering sob and, still holding him tightly, laid back down, taking him with him. After his Captains' heart rate and breathing had slowed into the ones the told of deep sleep he allowed his thoughts to wander. Jim had had a nightmare, not about Edith dieing, but about him. His subcounciess mind had clearly dubbed him more important then Edith. Why? Could it be that Jim was developing romantic feelings for him? Not allowing himself to respond to the bubble of hope that began to expand inside his chest he continued to think. He knew Jim was sexually attracted to him. It was obvious from the way they flirted and the looks they extanged, but was that the extent of his feelings? He would observe Jims' behavior for changes, and if he saw any, he would ask him if his feelings toward him had become more.

Jim never gave any indaction that he remembered the nightmare, what had occurred with him, nor did he appear to recall any other nightmare that occurred in the following weeks. When he saw him experiencing a nightmare he would hold his upperarms, and after Jims' eyes had flown open at his touch and he assured him it was alright Jim would sink back into sleep. When Jim confronted him about how much time he was spending with him, he responded with, "It would be most illogical to deny that which is necessary Captain." That had been nothing but the tuth. It would be illogical to deny the nessary comfort and care that his mate despertaly needed. The knowdgle that he would never cease to countiue to provide it, regardless of Jims' feelings, did not trouble him in the least.